you must get so much done

is about the worst thing that you can say to someone with insomnia, it's sort of like saying "wow, you must really get sylivia plath" to someone with chronic depression. it's not so much that it's insensitive, it's that it's ill-informed.
i've had insomnia since i was a little kid and i really couldn't tell you why. i never had bad nightmares (except for the night before i would get really sick for some reason), nobody ever came into my room and did things to me in my sleep, i wasn't scared of the dark, i've just never been able to sleep well.
i still don't.
the problem with getting things done when you have insomnia is that there isn't much you can do in the middle of the night. if i could land a gig as a professional writer where i can essentially make my own hours as long i make my deadlines it would be great but i work as a bicycle mechanic which means that i have shifts that i have to be on time for. to get an idea of what my workday can be like do whatever you have to do to stay up for 24 hours straight, then problem solve for 8 hours, on your feet, while being nice to people. it sucks.
what bends my mind in on itself is that i have this trifecta of disorders that all dovetail so nicely it becomes a bit of a chickens and eggs problem. the questions go like this; do i have insomnia because i have adhd and the lack of sleep makes me depressed? am i too depressed to sleep and the resulting insomnia makes it impossible for me to concentrate? or is it that i just can't sleep well and the sleep deprivation makes me unable to focus and depressed?
it's a devil of a deal let me tell you.
exercise doesn't do much, i sometimes ride upwards of 75 miles a day on my bike and drugs don't work on it. i've tried.
melatonin? not so much.
skullcap? great name but nothing.
valerian root? nyet.
pot? slow, hungry and stupid.
alcohol? sleep deprived and hung over.
tylenol pm? don't make me laugh.
ambien? i can take 3, bike home, and read for several hours before passing out.
to be fair percoset will knock me out in a high enough dose but you can see the problem there.
oogh. it's creeping on 6 am. time to sign off. nice talking to you. g'night (i hope).